Just in case you're not familiar with the term, WYSIWYG (pronounced something like "wizzy wig") stands for "What You See Is What You Get". The term is often used to describe True Type fonts: what you see on your computer screen when you use these fonts is what you will get when you print the page.
A few days back, I claimed to one of my Tribe friends that I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of girl. A few days after I made my "Appearance vs. Reality" post, it occurred to me that I was contradicting myself. How could I be both?
I resolved this apparent contradiction within myself by realizing the following: While my reserved manner and outward shyness IN PERSON disguise what I like to think is my natural deep, complex, and passionate nature, I am *extremely* honest and self-disclosing in my writing. It's in my writing that people can most easily see the "real" me. I have learned the hard way -- particularly in the context of "meeting" men through Internet dating websites -- that many other people use writing to create the illusion of the people they *want* to be but not necessarily *are*.
I fell in love with such an illusion during a correspondence that lasted 11-1/2 years. Meeting him in person for the first time last year was a HUGE disappointment because he was nothing like the illusion that he had worked so hard to create and maintain through his powerful writing. Now that he is no longer in my life, I realize that I don't miss *him* as much as I miss his writing -- even though I now know that it wasn't real.
When do *you* feel most free and most comfortable to be YOU? In person? On the phone? In writing? Small groups? Large groups? One-on-one? With strangers whom you will likely never meet? With people you have known for a lifetime?
Denise
A few days back, I claimed to one of my Tribe friends that I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of girl. A few days after I made my "Appearance vs. Reality" post, it occurred to me that I was contradicting myself. How could I be both?
I resolved this apparent contradiction within myself by realizing the following: While my reserved manner and outward shyness IN PERSON disguise what I like to think is my natural deep, complex, and passionate nature, I am *extremely* honest and self-disclosing in my writing. It's in my writing that people can most easily see the "real" me. I have learned the hard way -- particularly in the context of "meeting" men through Internet dating websites -- that many other people use writing to create the illusion of the people they *want* to be but not necessarily *are*.
I fell in love with such an illusion during a correspondence that lasted 11-1/2 years. Meeting him in person for the first time last year was a HUGE disappointment because he was nothing like the illusion that he had worked so hard to create and maintain through his powerful writing. Now that he is no longer in my life, I realize that I don't miss *him* as much as I miss his writing -- even though I now know that it wasn't real.
When do *you* feel most free and most comfortable to be YOU? In person? On the phone? In writing? Small groups? Large groups? One-on-one? With strangers whom you will likely never meet? With people you have known for a lifetime?
Denise
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Re: WYSIWYG
Tue, March 29, 2005 - 8:03 PMHmmmmm. Very excellent topic choice. My most honest answer would be, I am most honest with everyone I come across, but I am the most COMPLETELY honest with those who don't give a care, and have shown me that they can handle the sometimes difficult to digest things that come out of my mouth. But it is hard to be honest the way you want to be when ppl get sensitive at anything that doesn't seem to kiss up. So those ppl get like 89% honesty from me, because I don't get a rise out of being an a-hole. The people who are like you and my mom, get 97-99, and maybe 100% of honesty out of me.
But ultimately my conscience would kick the crap out of me to be totally dishonest.
I like the depth of this topic.
~Tatyana~
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Re: WYSIWYG
Wed, March 30, 2005 - 5:37 AMI am honest and open and wear my heart on my sleeve. If I am sad, people know it. If I'm happy, people know it. When I'm going through tough times, people know it. I am best with individual friends either in person or on the phone or online, or in small groups of friends, but even in big groups people can pretty much tell something about my life just by looking at me. But I don't lie, don't hide stuff. I don't see the point in that. And that's just me! -
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Re: WYSIWYG
Wed, March 30, 2005 - 8:33 AMI am actually an extremely good liar, because of years of habitually doing it--not for kicks, but for self-preservation. I didn't want anyone to know I was depressed and felt completely apart from everything. The funny thing is that I'm naturally a pretty honest person; when I began acting how I felt and saying what I really thought, life got a lot more interesting.
These days I am rarely totally comfortable with anyone, though... My friends have a great ability to freak out and decide I'm trash when I open up just too much. (Which makes it sound like I enjoy torturing baby animals or sell heroin, but I swear it's not true! I'm just odd. Really.) I have a couple of friends that have always stuck by me, and I honestly try not to cause trouble with that. Otherwise... the people I've known my whole life, my family, some of them understand things and others don't. Many of them think I'm really quiet. That's a facade, but it makes life a lot easier.
It just depends on the person. Some people I open up quite a bit to immediately, others never get it. It may be someone I just met that finds out all sorts of weird stuff in a week; the aunt I see every month knows vague details about my life.
I've had those grand internet correspondences before. Florid emails are far easier to pull off than being a good person, is all I can say about that one.
I think I am basically WYSIWYG, if you think about it at all. I don't think I have any particular traits that are shocking given the whole... but for whatever reason, most people just don't think!
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Unsu...
If you're happy (or sad or going through tough times) and you know it...
Wed, March 30, 2005 - 10:09 PMLara wrote: "I am honest and open and wear my heart on my sleeve. If I am sad, people know it. If I'm happy, people know it. When I'm going through tough times, people know it."
Likewise, certain people who are close to me (such as my mother) have told me, "Your face shows everything that you're feeling." I have wondered why *more* people aren't as perceptive -- or maybe they just haven't said anything. For example, when I quit my last job, my boss said, "I know that you've been unhappy and frustrated." (Why she never did anything about it, I don't know.)
I think that my tendency to *feel* so deeply -- and to crave intensity of feeling -- may be an impediment to my attempts at romantic relationships. But that may be a topic for a new thread...
Denise -
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Unsu...
Re: If you're happy (or sad or going through tough times) and you know it...
Wed, March 30, 2005 - 10:25 PMI can relate :) I have no secrets; everything that I'm feeling is written on my face. I used to like to think of myself as someone who kept it all hidden, but--as many friends and family members have informed me--this is not the case.
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Re: WYSIWYG
Thu, March 31, 2005 - 7:13 PMYes, I have seen in Denise a good writer...
I am 'most' me when drumming... not great communication style but afterwards those who really talk withme get to know me
since I am also a 'quiet' one some see me as mean, but most would say the opposite
so whereas most people have to explain how they're not that shy one... I usually have to prove my peacefulness!
I am pretty comfortable being me almost anywhere but find I don't like chitchat very much... would rather have a conversation
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Re: WYSIWYG
Sat, November 25, 2006 - 10:14 AMI guess I'm a later comer to this....
It's an interesting topic, but also a difficult one to home in on.
Who are we, REALLY? "WYSIWIG" is a nice idea, but what does it mean? Whereas a part of me aspires to "just be me," the reality of life is that "me" is contextual. In a work situation where I have to "exert influence" to be heard in an aggressive group "me" means something else than when I am talking to someone I like, one-on-one. And "me" in a boisterous group of 20 people I barely know isn't the same "me" that surfaces over dinner with a close friend.
So Denise, perhaps the question you're asking (or point you're making) is about WHAT your true essence is, and WHERE it is expressed.
Perhaps it is human nature that the less comfortable we feel in a situation, the more of a protective mask we put on. I know it holds true for me that my "truth" shows most strongly when I feel safest, in my surrounding context. In my case, that would be in writing, in talking to someone of a similar background/interest/personality one-on-one, in small to medium groups at spiritual/self-growth retreats, with groups of fellow HSPs.
These thoughts lead me to contemplate the importance of pursuing a lifestyle, and interests, and work that represents "the most me" possible. Which-- in a way-- echoes what many self-development and relationship experts say "We have to love ourselves before we can truly love others." And that doesn't mean running around convincing ourselves that we are "fabulous" and "a great catch" (which I [personally] find mild narcisisstic and offputting), but rather that we treat ourselves we want to be treated by others....
.... and on my "personal journey," that has meant a shift in my paradigms for how I choose people who get close to me... AWAY from the notion of being attracted to someone (I perceive) will have strengths that make up for my own weaknesses, towards people who are much like myself, with similar struggles and similar triumphs. Only *I* can heal me, and it's also not my job to fix anyone else... nor should they come to be in the hope I can "fix" them. On a deeper level, that's a shift from "need-based" interaction ("I NEED to be with you, and you NEED to be with me") towards "want-based" interaction ("I WANT to be with you, and you WANT to be with me"). Not an easy journey... it takes a strong sense of self to not express neediness when you've spent a lifetime surrounded by and embedded in that paradigm... all the way back to the parental "model" based in perpetual (and unhealthy) neediness.
In recent years, I have gained some insight into myself through a basic knowledge of NLP, and through reading Dawna Markova's work on learning styles.
But I have waffled off-topic here, so I guess I'll stop for now...
Namaste,
Peter
