...and there ain't no way I'm ever going to love you.
I just sent a "Dear John" letter to the guy I was kinda sorta seeing, one whom I met through an Internet dating website. He made a fatal mistake a few days ago when he pleaded poverty with *me*. (He had previously claimed that he's a recording artist who is *this* close to signing a contract with Warner Brothers, which will give him a $500,000 advance. (I never did believe that, but I digress.) I, meanwhile, quit my job last year and only recently found a temp job for survival.)
That there were a dozen other e-mail messages in my mailbox from the guy that I never even bothered to open indicated that deep down, I just wasn't all that into him. (A friend of mine told me about this book: www.amazon.com/exec/obido...465-9707810 I haven't seen it, but the premise appears to make a lot of sense. Has anyone here read it?) At first, he had *seemed* to have most of what I was looking for in a man, at least on paper (or screen): intelligence, style, passion, a bit of an edge. But I wasn't in the market for his whining and emotional neediness. I think that dating him would have been like housebreaking a puppy.
Given my abysmal track record with the six men I have met through that particular website (none of whom got past four dates with me), I think it's time that I disable my ad. It's ironic, I suppose, that despite all of my insecurities and fears of being alone for the rest of my life, I am just too damn picky. I would rather be alone than settle down with just *anyone*.
I have been feeling restless, yet trapped. I would like to move *away* from this area, where I have been quite unhappy for the past seven years or so. More than anything else, I would like to live in "single family detached housing", as the real estate agents say. (I currently live in a townhouse, where I lack privacy, a yard, and a driveway of my own.) But houses are completely out of reach for me here. And since my ex-husband (who has custody of our daughters) is committed to this area, I feel as if I have no choice but to stay as well, even though I can't find a local job.
When I consider for how many years I have been so unhappy, I wonder if I should just call it a day (or a life) and give up the search. Maybe I am not destined to be happy, with jobs or with relationships or with my lot in life. If I just numbed myself to disappointment, I could take a mindless, low-paying job somewhere, even though I'm not the least bit interested in the work. Maybe I could just bury the passions I have to use my intelligence and creativity to do something "meaningful". If I haven't found it after all these years since college graduation, it's unlikely that I'm going to trip over anything now.
*sigh*
Denise
I just sent a "Dear John" letter to the guy I was kinda sorta seeing, one whom I met through an Internet dating website. He made a fatal mistake a few days ago when he pleaded poverty with *me*. (He had previously claimed that he's a recording artist who is *this* close to signing a contract with Warner Brothers, which will give him a $500,000 advance. (I never did believe that, but I digress.) I, meanwhile, quit my job last year and only recently found a temp job for survival.)
That there were a dozen other e-mail messages in my mailbox from the guy that I never even bothered to open indicated that deep down, I just wasn't all that into him. (A friend of mine told me about this book: www.amazon.com/exec/obido...465-9707810 I haven't seen it, but the premise appears to make a lot of sense. Has anyone here read it?) At first, he had *seemed* to have most of what I was looking for in a man, at least on paper (or screen): intelligence, style, passion, a bit of an edge. But I wasn't in the market for his whining and emotional neediness. I think that dating him would have been like housebreaking a puppy.
Given my abysmal track record with the six men I have met through that particular website (none of whom got past four dates with me), I think it's time that I disable my ad. It's ironic, I suppose, that despite all of my insecurities and fears of being alone for the rest of my life, I am just too damn picky. I would rather be alone than settle down with just *anyone*.
I have been feeling restless, yet trapped. I would like to move *away* from this area, where I have been quite unhappy for the past seven years or so. More than anything else, I would like to live in "single family detached housing", as the real estate agents say. (I currently live in a townhouse, where I lack privacy, a yard, and a driveway of my own.) But houses are completely out of reach for me here. And since my ex-husband (who has custody of our daughters) is committed to this area, I feel as if I have no choice but to stay as well, even though I can't find a local job.
When I consider for how many years I have been so unhappy, I wonder if I should just call it a day (or a life) and give up the search. Maybe I am not destined to be happy, with jobs or with relationships or with my lot in life. If I just numbed myself to disappointment, I could take a mindless, low-paying job somewhere, even though I'm not the least bit interested in the work. Maybe I could just bury the passions I have to use my intelligence and creativity to do something "meaningful". If I haven't found it after all these years since college graduation, it's unlikely that I'm going to trip over anything now.
*sigh*
Denise
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Re: I don't love you, I don't need you...
Sat, May 21, 2005 - 9:29 PMHave you joined the quirky alone tribe yet? Being alone if not a frightening proposition. You can't find happiness in a job that you didn't create for yourself. At least that is what I found and I hear the same thing from a lot of other people. -
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Unsu...
Re: I don't love you, I don't need you...
Sun, May 22, 2005 - 4:02 AMWhere's the edit button on this thing? I had meant for my subject line to read: "I don't want you, I don't need you..." Nothing like paraphrasing Meat Loaf and messing it up...
No, I have not joined the Quirky Alone tribe...but I did buy the book. It distressed me a bit that many of the people profiled in the book were about half my age. Otherwise, though, I felt reaffirmed to know that there *are* other people who don't define themselves by their relationship status.
I am almost resigned to being miserable in a job. I myself can live on very little, but my child support obligations require that I earn a certain salary, which I will unlikely find by doing anything *fun*.
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Re: I don't love you, I don't need you...
Sun, May 22, 2005 - 1:29 PMI always how many people are in the wrong place literally...
different places have different personalities and some people would probably fit better in other places... but it'd be a bitch to have to move several times to find one that suits you!
not that all would be solved but sometimes new ways of living are a big relief...
how many different areas of the country are represented here and how many different places have you lived (to all members)??? -
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Unsu...
Re: I don't love you, I don't need you...
Sun, September 24, 2006 - 3:10 AMspeaking of places....its weird because you never really know where you *need to be until you get there. You know?
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