I've been thinking about what you said and there are two ways to look at it. Why waste your time going on a date with someone you really have no interest in? Or just give them a try and you might find you like them later.

I feel the whole purpose of dating is to find out more about eachother. Then you can determine if it's love at first sight or just not what you want.

Personally I don't like to go out on dates. Dating is boring to me. I'd rather take a guy out as a friend first and do totally random and awesome things like road trips, and amusement parks, or camping. I think when you are having positive fun and ocassional talks to the side the sparks may start flying. I think this is how you may consiously generate these feeling is when you are being yourself and enjoying life, not second guessing if they are right for you. That stuff is a waste of energy and time in your life. I think it is important to find more about the person even if the sparks start flying at first you never know how things will end up if ya don't do your homework. :)

Sitting at Starbucks and talking seems a little nerve wracking. Although some people may like that kind of dating.

Jenna :)

well, I am bad... I give everyone 3 chances!

plus I am involved in enough local happenings that I like to meet somewhere and have a good time... e.g. drum circle, lifestyle meeting, pagan campout, etc...

I think that sparks do happen but too many times on one side of the relationship or at best, to both... but at different times

yes, you can set yourself up for 'success' but as I was telling someone the other night, I feel that when it comes naturally it feels better, i.e. without planning, just happens

but I will meet a minimum of 3 times if either one of us pursues the relationship...

maybe I'm compensating for not responding all the time; women have told me didn't you know and I say Kinda but didn't want to push the issue... like I can have great friends and not take it anywhere if neither of us pushes the issue

sparks are pretty important i'd say. i;ve been on plenty of dates and not had sparks and things just seem to fizzle out for me.

i think it's plenty reasonable to expect them on the first date if you had that kind of attraction to begin with. -

When it rains, it pours -- and the fire goes out.

The Friday before last, I had a first date with a guy I met through a local dating website. (I *hate* first dates!) He took me out to dinner. Afterwards, we browsed in Barnes & Noble and then went to Dunkin' Donuts for several cups of coffee. He showered me with birthday presents. The date *seemed* to go well (after all, we talked for 7-1/2 hours!), but then again, I knew not to hold my breath. Very rarely do I date a guy more than four times before I realize how annoying he is and that I would rather be alone! That said, this seemed at first to be the most "promising" of first dates that I have had in quite some time. However, I was concerned that the guy appeared to be straddling the line between "eager" and "desperate".

I had the second date last Thursday. (I was never so happy for an afternoon dentist appointment, which gave me reason to kick him out at 5:15!) While he didn't use the L word in conversation, he spoke about "us" as if we were already a couple, and he even used the M word in passing (that's right, marriage). He then sent me several e-mail messages to tell me that he missed me. I thought of writing back and quoting some song lyrics -- some old Simon & Garfunkel -- "Slow down, you move too fast..."

Between yesterday and today, he sent me four e-mail messages and left me two messages on my answering machine. He wanted to know if he could stop by tonight and hang out for a few hours. (It's my first week at a new job, and I am *very* stressed. And it's already passed my bedtime.) I know that if I play this right, I could probably get *anything* I want out of this relationship. But I don't know if I want to.

What a paradox.

Denise