I was particularly disturbed a few nights ago when my older daughter disclosed that they have been sleeping over this woman's house -- on school nights, even! I pointedly asked the ex, "Are you having sex with this woman while my daughters are in the house?" "No," he lied. He tries to play me for a fool.

I also learned that the ex has put gag orders on the girls regarding what they are and are not allowed to tell me. I informed the girls that that was unfair and that *they* are old enough and bright enough to decide what they want to share with me...or not.

He and this woman have now been dating for three weeks. This weekend, he took her (and her son and my daughters) to Maryland to meet his parents. I had several LONG talks with the girls last week about the big changes that will be happening in their lives. I indicated that the ex and I have been very fortunate to have had nearly six years of a warm, friendly post-divorce relationship; however, from now on, our relationship will be more like that of a typical divorced couple. The four of us will no longer be doing family things together. He will no longer be invited to celebrate Easter and Christmas with my family.

I should have built these boundaries and cut these ties years ago. I must emphasize that I am NOT jealous of the woman! "Do you love him?" asked my sister when I called her to rant the other day. "No," I replied from the bottom of my heart. In fact, I think that I lost any love I ever had for him a year or two into the marriage. On Thursday night, I decided to throw out the box of love letters that he had written me during our five-year courtship -- and the 32-page letter he had written me when he asked for the divorce. I made a point of leaving the pile right next to the door of the garage, where I keep my recycling bin. He saw them that night when he came over to pick up the girls. I remarked that the past was past and that there was no reason to hold onto it any longer. I said something like, "I think we can now admit that we had a loveless marriage." The remark, of course, was specifically intended to wound him.

Anyway. I had a long talk with my daughters that same evening about the possibility that I may have to move out of the area. (I lost my job 3-1/2 years ago and have been unemployed or minimally employed ever since.) I assured them that even if I do so, the process would take several months, maybe even a year, what with getting this house ready to put on the market, finding a job, and relocating. They were rather upset at first, but they ultimately seemed understanding. I emphasized that I do not WANT to move away from them, but I may be forced to do so because of economic necessity. What with the new woman in the ex's life, the timing of this could not be worse. But the girls seemed to take it well.

I have been getting a lot of mileage out of this story. With each retelling, I am a little less irritated. But my heart aches for my daughters, especially for my sensitive older one. While I was on the phone with her on Friday, she was in tears about this woman and her son accompanying them to see their grandparents. "We hardly know her at all!" she sobbed. I replied that when people get new girlfriends or boyfriends, they often think only of themselves and forget about *everyone* else -- and that that is what her father is doing.